Is it too late to say Happy New Years? I want to wish you one despite being stuck in a whole mother portal.
Saying most importantly the end of 2016 broke my heart so much that I was so speechless to even speak to everyone here.
I am sure the world knows about the Ghostship fire that occurred on 12/2 and just coping with the reality of losing a lot of friends who were like chosen family to me everyday has been hard to live in this current reality. I have tried everything to deal with the fact of losing people I loved and cared about at a massive amount at one time. I have tried EFT therapy and I hope to try EDMR therapy soon to cope with it all. Everyday is a traumatic nightmare just in the reality of things of everyday life we have to cope with. Maybe the idea that I have less Allies here hurts the most.
I refuse to say names though I feel like everyday in my existence I honor my friends missions by still being here. I really hate how this planet can be so completely despicable in their lack of compassion. Our days are so cold. Coping with the fact that sunshine barely appears. I refuse to exploit my friends like the world has and I am completely sickened by this planets exploitation of my friends in the aftermath of all this that NBC plans to exploit the Ghostship story for a tv episode only three months after the tragedy occurred. Not even giving us a chance to heal our hearts. Having to live through all of this again is more added trauma. So please help put an end to it.
Please Sign this petition.
To tell you the truth, Everyday is a complete nightmare being here still on earth but I promise to fight for the honor of my friends who are no longer here because I know they loved me so much and they would have done it for me.
What hurts the most is the attack on our arts scene. Yes there is not much money for arts to be done on this bland planet and yes those who live unconventionally and have rainbow hearts will be punished for that expression. So much pain here.
Things that help me a lot is being able to travel and perform. Touring helps. Seeing and meeting new people helps a lot. People in other places on top of home are so supportive of my art and that feels good. Good hugs help. Complete honesty and good news and love helps at all times as I am completely fragile and immensely traumatized from it all. Glad for our community as this has made us so much closer. Performing in Puerto Rico was amazing and meeting new friends in the art scene there gave me so much life. I even got some cool tats that I had been wanting for a long time. Thanks to Efra and Carolina!
I have been wanting to get a symbolic grim tat on my wrist that said cut for the longest in the fashion of honorably knowing to end it all at one chance. Maybe its depression. Maybe we are all born with it.
Well it happened.
It is real strange how the Stick N poke tatting process actually was less painful then getting a machine tattoo. I guess I am used to being stuck by a needle because of acupuncture.
What is better than being caught on camera being a big baby. The pain felt so good. lol
I got to perform in Old San Juan at La Boveda which was such an amazing posh and beautiful venue in the heart of Old San Juan!
Talk about a pleasant life experience. Thank you Sandy and Lana. Thank you to All the women who I traveled with Sabrina, Sinuba, Dianne, Mara, Cammie, Rachel, Isador, Sharmi, Titania, Shawna, Jackie and our two Pups Henry and Sean!
Being with you guys were pure magic in the form of peace. Spending time on the beach with you ladies our memories I will never forget.
I have been hurt a bunch in my heart but to experience love and the ability to still love is amazing.
My mind is so scattered now and everyday I cry and that takes a lot from me to disclose that to the world because I am a sag and we hate to express vulnerability. I want to always be that pillar of strength to everyone but sometimes it is ok for the tough guy to say help. I can't believe I cried for help. HELLLP me on Planet Hell. Need some black girl deliverance right about now.
Performing at La Boveda on the last day of our festival was everything. I got to share the stage with amazing Puerto Rico's finest artist. AS well as Oaklands own Punk band Ugly.
I also randomly won a arm wrestling contest?
I went by Ball Crusher and I destroyed every opponent and won a few dollars and a glass of Champagne!
So far 2017 has been a year that says don't be sad Maya here is a blessing and I appreciate that.
Puerto Rico was great to me. Still got this SAdness with me that will be with me for the rest of my life. I lost someone I really loved in the Ghostship Fire. Like hella loved. My prince Charming. Feeling completely out of loop daily about why that happened. People will tell you to move on from it all but what do they know about how it all feels.
I just really wish our world was a bit more compassionate and a lot less petty. I wish to see a world of better understanding for each other not constantly hurting each other but protecting each other. People will say I am thinking of a dream world. Well why must it be a nightmare world. Society is miserable.
This blog post is so Fin. Like our PLanet. Fuck it.